Saturday, September 17, 2011

How Do I Know He is Cheating On Me

Reblogged from How to Get Your Ex Back:

"How do I know he is cheating on me? This is probably one of the most stressful questions to have to ask in a marriage. If you suspect your husband of cheating, then you've probably got some legitimate concerns that need to be addressed.

First off, is he spending time with other people - or women?

If so, you have a legitimate right to know what's going on with him. He cannot be seeing or spending time with other women without telling you why. This is a violation of rights within a marriage. Any agreement that is monogamous within two people automatically assumes that each partner must completely divulge his or her activities with other people.

Sorry if that got a little technical. The bottom line is: he needs to tell you who he's spending time with, either online, or out in the real world. If he doesn't, you have reason to suspect him of cheating.

Secondly, does he seem more distant from you emotionally?

If he does, you've got more reason to wonder what's up with his romantic life. You can't really know if he's cheating on you for sure by spying on him or anything like that, and really, that just adds fuel to the fire.

When you suspect him of cheating because he's emotionally distant you need to:

1. Question him about his activities. If he acts suspicious or dodgy, you know something else is going on.

2. If he refuses to answer you, there's a bigger problem in your marriage: lack of communication.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, if you think your husband is cheating on your, or you suspect he's being unfaithful in any way, this indicates a problem in your marriage. Whether he is or isn't, there is a problem.

Clearly, you feel a need isn't being met. He's not giving you enough attention/appreciation. He's not trusting you, and not spending enough time with you.

He may feel you are some way not meeting his needs either. So the two of you need to talk. Get your feelings out in the open. One way or another, avoiding the problem won't help; you need to actually get together and speak in a quiet, non-confrontational way.

Leave your emotions at the door and set aside a quiet time to speak about what's going on in each other's lives.

Want to learn more about getting your husband back if you suspect him of cheating?


Friday, September 2, 2011

My Husband Cheated With My Best Friend - A 3 Step Plan To Work Through the Pain

"My husband cheated with my best friend."

When this happens, you're hit with one of the most difficult emotional blows that could possibly befall you.

It's one thing when your husband cheats... but another when he cheats with your best friend. Suddenly you feel like you've lost them both. It's a double whammy.

You're inundated with questions like... who do I turn to now? What can I do to get him back - do I even want to?

You feel betrayed, confused, and hurt.

Here's the thing: Your husband did not cheat on you because there was something special about your best friend that you didn't have.

It's because she met his EMOTIONAL needs. She gave him something that you didn't - not by any fault of yours, but because neither of you understood how to communicate.

He didn't know how to tell you what he needed, and you in turn had no idea how to give it to him.

If you want to forgive your husband and repair your relationship after this trying conflict, here's what you should do.

1. Be the bigger person

You have to be the one to forgive. Recognize that both your husband and your best friend made a huge mistake. Your husband went to the best friend because she met emotional needs that he wasn't getting... and the best friend did it because she felt for your man - she liked him.

They both made a mistake. You can forgive them. Indeed, you must if you want to repair your relationship with your husband.

2. Allow yourself time to grieve

You've been dealt a huge blow with this. It's going to take time to repair your relationship, and to rebuild the trust that was lost. Allow yourself to feel the pain - it's okay. It's natural.

Seek support emotionally from your friends and family. Confide in someone you feel close to - or seek out professional counseling if you need to. There is no shame whatsoever in it. On the contrary, seeking out support in a tough time is very healthy and will allow you to process your feelings more quickly. And, subsequently, move on with your life.

3. Figure out what you want now.

If you want to get back with your husband, here's a resource that tells you step by step how to do it.

If not, you may want to start on with divorce proceedings. However, it's possible that this affair your husband had was only because of a lack of communication between the two of you, and it's very possible for you to rebuild your relationship together.

Remember: you need to decide what you want. Take time to think, to grieve, and to heal. Then, you'll be more able to deal rationally with your husband's affair. Once you get to the point of forgiveness, you can focus on rebuilding trust in your relationship and repairing old wounds through love, connection, and healthy communication.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Getting Back My Ex – Why She Left and How You Can Regain Her Trust

You’re in pain, alone, and frustrated over your breakup/divorce. Every relationship has its own unique reasons that lead to separation, but the core reasons are all the same.
Here’s why she left and how you can regain her trust.
1. She did not feel appreciated.
Women will check out of a marriage when they feel unappreciated by their man. If you don’t show your appreciation for your wife through constant reminders (saying thank you, leaving thank you notes around the house, expressing how much you love what she does for you, etc.) then she will start to feel unappreciated.
This will lead to her “checking out” emotionally on your relationship – and in some cases, ultimate separation and divorce.
2. You started fighting all the time.
When a woman stops feeling appreciated by her man, she will emotionally distance herself to avoid feeling more pain. (You might have done this as well.)
This leads to constant arguments and fights. There was a lack of trust and love in your relationship. Neither of you appreciated each other, and without trust and love, your relationship stood no chance.
These are the reasons she left, at their core. Obviously there were minor details, but the bottom line is: she didn’t feel appreciated.
Now, in your quest for “getting back my wife,” you’d like to know…
How can I regain her trust? How can I get her back?
Assuming she is still talking to you, you’ll need to go about this in a specific way. It will involve these steps:
1. Write her a letter.
You need to say in this letter…
“I understand why you wanted to split up. I’m okay with the decision.”
You also need to paint a picture in her mind of you as being happy and solid again. The goal with this is to make yourself seem emotionally stable and grounded. You are going to essentially demonstrate yourself as someone completely “reinvented” in her eyes.
You will seem like a new man to her – not the resentful person she divorced.
2. Start actually reinventing yourself.
You need to actually take steps to improve your life to make yourself attractive to her again when you’re on the quest for “Getting back my wife”.
You should adopt an exercise routine, start eating a healthy diet, and taking care of your emotional needs. Also, have goals in life. Having goals for your job for example will give you solid steps towards building passion – and passion is essential for your woman to want to come back to you.

The One Key Element Your Relationship Must Have To Succeed

People see a successful relationship and they get envious.

"Well, how the heck do they do it?  They're still married after 45 years.  How can they possibly keep their relationship thriving?"

There's no big secret.  All it takes is passion.

Passion is the key element that every thriving relationship must have.  Without shared passion - for each other, for your interests, and for the relationship - there is really no hope of keeping it alive and strong.

If a relationship has shared passion, you will stand much greater chances of getting through the fighting periods and making it past arguments/squabbles.

Arguments are the results of heated emotions (which are often the result of passion).  There's a very fine line between love and hate.  We can go from feeling intense love for someone to intense annoyance in a short span of time.

But that enduring, critical factor that keeps a relationship going is passion.  If you have it - you're set.

Keep this in mind when you're suffering through a split.  Many couples reunite after a separation period, provided they have an action plan.

The key is that there's still some spark between you.  The enemy of a thriving relationship is not hate; it's indifference.  If you're to the point where your ex just doesn't give a crap anymore, it's a lot harder to get things off the ground than if you've just hit a rough spot in your marriage.

Think of passion like the foundation of a house.  If two people fall passionately in love, as long as they have that foundation, they will always come back together.

Why?  Simple: there's a scientific explanation for it, in fact.  Those memories you have of falling in love are not one-sided; the other person remembers them, too.  The real enemy of many marriages is that men and women don't know how to speak the same language.

Men think logically; women think emotionally.  There are proven differences between the brains of each gender.

So think back on your marriage and ask yourself: was there passion?  Do you remember feeling passionately in love with your spouse at one time?  If so, then you really, truly CAN rebuild a relationship, provided the circumstances are right, and you go through the proper methods.

Remember: passion is key.  If you don't have it, build it, by finding your shared interests.  Think of things you both love to do - even if it's just heading down to that spot where you had your first date.  Your common interests will automatically create this passionate bond, because you'll both be doing the same thing... the thing you love.

And that will lead to passion and love in your marriage, as well.

Breaking Up Isn't the End - How To Get Control of Your Emotions and Reconnect After The Breakup

One of the toughest things after a breakup is getting control of your raging emotions.

It can be extremely difficult to see life as you once did, before you met the person who threw your life into such chaos.

But in reality, it's not the end of the world to break up.  The reason we feel so out of control after a breakup is that it's a huge CHANGE, and human beings do not respond well to change.  And no one teaches us in high school how to deal with relationship problems, sadly.

(Wish they'd taught that in home ec, don't you?)

So what we have to do is get control of the raging emotions and start to recover, to heal.

The best way to do that is to avoid depression.  This is very important.  One of the toughest things to deal with in a breakup is depression; it can honestly be crippling.

You can try meds, if it gets to that point.  But there are natural ways to deal with depression in a breakup and get control of your emotions.

 In terms of fighting depression, the best ways are:

1. Feed yourself well.  Keep a healthy diet with whole grains, fresh fruits and veggies, and limit sweets.  Also, watch portion control.

2. Get some physical activity every day.  Even 30 minutes of brisk walking can make a big difference.  Exercise is CRUCIAL; it releases seratonin, a feel-good chemical in the brain.  This really helps with depression after a breakup.

3. Call friends, and get support from your family.  People love to help, and you NEED help - emotional support - after a breakup.  Connect with your friends and family, and avoid isolation.

These are some great ways to avoid the pitfalls of despair and depression after a breakup.  I highly encourage you to at least use one of these methods.

It's also really important to go easy on yourself.  Remember; you're suffering, and you're in a tough time emotionally.  Allow yourself some slack.  Don't try to make any major life changes, as the worst life changes are often made in times of emotional duress.

When you've allowed some time to pass, you can finally start to reconnect after the breakup.  Keep in mind that you should allow at least 30 days to pass before you contact your ex.

This time frame, this "cooling off" period, will allow you both to get some emotional distance on the problem.  When you next talk, you'll be in a much better frame of mind.

Here's an exact, proven method to get your ex back after a split

How to Get My Husband Back After a Separation

You and your husband have separated, and you are going through such a tough time emotionally. I can really understand how this feels; breakups are one of the most difficult life changes to have to deal with, right up there with moving and death.

When you want to know "how to get my husband back after a separation," you first need to understand why the breakup happened.

1. He left because he did not feel admired.

Want men want most from their wives is to feel like they are admired, like they can do anything. With their wife's admiration, a man feels tough, strong, and confident.

When you first started dating, things were different; you were probably trying to impress him.

Am I right? :)

So you wore fancier clothes, put more time into "looking your best" for him... things like that.

And then as time went on, you stopped doing that so much. (Which is totally natural. We all fall into patterns with people and forget about trying to impress our partner.)

Now, your man probably took this to mean you didn't care so much anymore; he stopped feeling admired.

Learn more about getting him back after a separation.  

Now that you understand more about why he left, you can work on the next point, which is...

2. You need this time to heal.

While you're separated, you should be focusing on yourself. Treat yourself well. Take time away from the kids for a bit if you can. (Have a relative watch them, or a friend, and just make some quiet time for yourself.)

Really focus on allowing yourself to work through the negative emotions from the breakup. If you need to work with a professional - say, a LCSW, then that's a great idea.

Or if you feel like you'd rather just quietly work through things on your own, you can:

1. Feed yourself a healthy diet; get some physical activity each day. This will help improve your mood and your sense of well-being.

2. Call a friend and hang out for a bit. A girl's night out can be a great way to re-boost your confidence and self-esteem, and remind you of your own attractiveness.

3. Realize it's not the end of the world if your husband doesn't come back. You want things to work out, but no matter what happens, you are a worthy and capable human being. Even if you don't get him back, you'll still be able to make it through - and eventually attract someone new if you wish.

3. Make a plan to get him back.

When it's time to reunite with your husband after a separation, the best way to do this is to write him a letter. You want him to know that:

a) you're okay with the breakup.
b) you're happy and stable.

This way you're painting a picture in his mind of you as a "new woman"; you will capture his interest by including these two things in your letter.