When this happens, you're hit with one of the most difficult emotional blows that could possibly befall you.
It's one thing when your husband cheats... but another when he cheats with your best friend. Suddenly you feel like you've lost them both. It's a double whammy.
You're inundated with questions like... who do I turn to now? What can I do to get him back - do I even want to?
You feel betrayed, confused, and hurt.
Here's the thing: Your husband did not cheat on you because there was something special about your best friend that you didn't have.
It's because she met his EMOTIONAL needs. She gave him something that you didn't - not by any fault of yours, but because neither of you understood how to communicate.
He didn't know how to tell you what he needed, and you in turn had no idea how to give it to him.
If you want to forgive your husband and repair your relationship after this trying conflict, here's what you should do.
1. Be the bigger person
You have to be the one to forgive. Recognize that both your husband and your best friend made a huge mistake. Your husband went to the best friend because she met emotional needs that he wasn't getting... and the best friend did it because she felt for your man - she liked him.
They both made a mistake. You can forgive them. Indeed, you must if you want to repair your relationship with your husband.
2. Allow yourself time to grieve
You've been dealt a huge blow with this. It's going to take time to repair your relationship, and to rebuild the trust that was lost. Allow yourself to feel the pain - it's okay. It's natural.
Seek support emotionally from your friends and family. Confide in someone you feel close to - or seek out professional counseling if you need to. There is no shame whatsoever in it. On the contrary, seeking out support in a tough time is very healthy and will allow you to process your feelings more quickly. And, subsequently, move on with your life.
3. Figure out what you want now.
If you want to get back with your husband, here's a resource that tells you step by step how to do it.
If not, you may want to start on with divorce proceedings. However, it's possible that this affair your husband had was only because of a lack of communication between the two of you, and it's very possible for you to rebuild your relationship together.
Remember: you need to decide what you want. Take time to think, to grieve, and to heal. Then, you'll be more able to deal rationally with your husband's affair. Once you get to the point of forgiveness, you can focus on rebuilding trust in your relationship and repairing old wounds through love, connection, and healthy communication.