Saturday, September 17, 2011

How Do I Know He is Cheating On Me

Reblogged from How to Get Your Ex Back:

"How do I know he is cheating on me? This is probably one of the most stressful questions to have to ask in a marriage. If you suspect your husband of cheating, then you've probably got some legitimate concerns that need to be addressed.

First off, is he spending time with other people - or women?

If so, you have a legitimate right to know what's going on with him. He cannot be seeing or spending time with other women without telling you why. This is a violation of rights within a marriage. Any agreement that is monogamous within two people automatically assumes that each partner must completely divulge his or her activities with other people.

Sorry if that got a little technical. The bottom line is: he needs to tell you who he's spending time with, either online, or out in the real world. If he doesn't, you have reason to suspect him of cheating.

Secondly, does he seem more distant from you emotionally?

If he does, you've got more reason to wonder what's up with his romantic life. You can't really know if he's cheating on you for sure by spying on him or anything like that, and really, that just adds fuel to the fire.

When you suspect him of cheating because he's emotionally distant you need to:

1. Question him about his activities. If he acts suspicious or dodgy, you know something else is going on.

2. If he refuses to answer you, there's a bigger problem in your marriage: lack of communication.

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, if you think your husband is cheating on your, or you suspect he's being unfaithful in any way, this indicates a problem in your marriage. Whether he is or isn't, there is a problem.

Clearly, you feel a need isn't being met. He's not giving you enough attention/appreciation. He's not trusting you, and not spending enough time with you.

He may feel you are some way not meeting his needs either. So the two of you need to talk. Get your feelings out in the open. One way or another, avoiding the problem won't help; you need to actually get together and speak in a quiet, non-confrontational way.

Leave your emotions at the door and set aside a quiet time to speak about what's going on in each other's lives.

Want to learn more about getting your husband back if you suspect him of cheating?


Friday, September 2, 2011

My Husband Cheated With My Best Friend - A 3 Step Plan To Work Through the Pain

"My husband cheated with my best friend."

When this happens, you're hit with one of the most difficult emotional blows that could possibly befall you.

It's one thing when your husband cheats... but another when he cheats with your best friend. Suddenly you feel like you've lost them both. It's a double whammy.

You're inundated with questions like... who do I turn to now? What can I do to get him back - do I even want to?

You feel betrayed, confused, and hurt.

Here's the thing: Your husband did not cheat on you because there was something special about your best friend that you didn't have.

It's because she met his EMOTIONAL needs. She gave him something that you didn't - not by any fault of yours, but because neither of you understood how to communicate.

He didn't know how to tell you what he needed, and you in turn had no idea how to give it to him.

If you want to forgive your husband and repair your relationship after this trying conflict, here's what you should do.

1. Be the bigger person

You have to be the one to forgive. Recognize that both your husband and your best friend made a huge mistake. Your husband went to the best friend because she met emotional needs that he wasn't getting... and the best friend did it because she felt for your man - she liked him.

They both made a mistake. You can forgive them. Indeed, you must if you want to repair your relationship with your husband.

2. Allow yourself time to grieve

You've been dealt a huge blow with this. It's going to take time to repair your relationship, and to rebuild the trust that was lost. Allow yourself to feel the pain - it's okay. It's natural.

Seek support emotionally from your friends and family. Confide in someone you feel close to - or seek out professional counseling if you need to. There is no shame whatsoever in it. On the contrary, seeking out support in a tough time is very healthy and will allow you to process your feelings more quickly. And, subsequently, move on with your life.

3. Figure out what you want now.

If you want to get back with your husband, here's a resource that tells you step by step how to do it.

If not, you may want to start on with divorce proceedings. However, it's possible that this affair your husband had was only because of a lack of communication between the two of you, and it's very possible for you to rebuild your relationship together.

Remember: you need to decide what you want. Take time to think, to grieve, and to heal. Then, you'll be more able to deal rationally with your husband's affair. Once you get to the point of forgiveness, you can focus on rebuilding trust in your relationship and repairing old wounds through love, connection, and healthy communication.